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Okay, the truth is there's a little secret about my work that i've been keeping. I was going to explain myself eventually...after I felt like I was really a success at this self publishing thing.

The secret is that I actually did have an agent that was interested in this work. A very big agent (in the YA  fantasy world anyway). Now, he asked for a copy of my manuscript, but I guess I didn't feel the work was ready to send it to him yet. Then by the time I felt it was ready, I had gotten all swept up into the idea of self publishing. Even though a lot of people were telling me I was crazy for it.

And I did feel crazy for doing this up until a few days ago. I mean, who the hell doesn't jump at the chance to work with an agent? Only a moron right?
Imagine if I fail at this self publishing thing. OMIGAWD! I gave up the chance to work with a real AGENT! What a failure!

Except, the more blogs I read, the more I talk to other authors in and out of the industry, the more unspectacular the whole traditionally publishing route sounds to me. And at this point no matter what happens, I know I wouldn't be happy publishing traditionally. Why? Because I know my personality and I am not the type who can tolerate suits telling me what "art" is. There are suits and there ate artist. Suits know marketing, they know distribution channels, they know other suits, but ART? No.

Now, I get it. To be a rich, super successful writer you need marketing, you need suits. So rather then deal with suits I've restructured my goals, career wise, a little. My dream is no longer to be a multi-millionaire. My dream is to be one of the best writers ever. Not "the best that I can be", the best writer, PERIOD.

A suit isn't going to help me accomplish that goal. A suit is going to kick my book into shape so that it sells lots and lots of copies. An editor? Yes, they definately help. An agent? Hmmmm.... Publisher? Not really.

I'm putting this out now rather then when I become a "successful indie writer", because a successful indie writer is someone who sells more then 100 copies of their book. Call me conceited, but I'm pretty sure I can sell more than 100 copies of my awesomeness :) . So, I'm going to say that I'm successful enough to be sure about the path I'm on.



Another thing about the agent that contacted me. He has an author in his stable ("stable" i don't know what else to call them)who is very successful. I see her books everywhere, that's why I got weak in the knees when this particular agent seemed intrested. I went to this authors website and a read an except of her book..hmmm what can i say. I was not impressed. A little chigrined may be better wording for it. But at the time it was cool to me. I mean if he liked her book he would certainly LOVE mine. Better chances for me right? And maybe that was true, maybe it wasn't. But now looking back on that, it just proves my point that suits know marketing. They don't know art. The fact is you can sell ANYTHING if you market it, just right.

So, knowing that fact. I thinks to myself "If a suit can pretend to know art, maybe a writer can pretend to know marketing". Marketing is an ART in a way, isn't it? Yes, there is an art to it. Red paint here, in this portrait, bring out this emotions, expresses this idea. A finely worded ad, placed here, will get me X amount sales. Check stats to see if my message is reaching the public. HAZAH! My bank account will show that my art is relevant! AHAHA!

Everyone always uses the music industry as an example so im going to do it to. Industry music today SUCKS. Everyone knows it. The stuff on the radio is crap and you have to be drugged up to stand to listen to it. That's probably why so many American teenagers are hocked up on anti depressants and ADHD drugs.

Just sayin'.

Industry music sucks butt. And why is that? Because suits don't know shit about art. They'd rather brainwash the public into buying nonsense because it's easier and less risky for them. You can't tell for sure how real art will catch people, because all emotions aren't the type that lead people to buy stuff. And the emotions that lead people to buy stuff are the only emotions suits care about.

The suits jobs just keeps getting easier, they don't have to put any work into an artist anymore. Computerized voices and the artist are already trained to follow orders by the time they reach that level.

Now I will admit, industry books aren't anywhere near as bad as industry music. There are some pretty good industry books out there. But the devil is in the process and how the authors get treated. The writer has already cleaned and polished the book by the time an agent reads it. The writer has done all the hard work, yet gets somewhere between 5-8% of the profits. Is that fair? Doesn't seem it to me. If it seems fair to you then by all means go for it.

But before I sign on with anyone, I want to see if maybe I might be as good at playing a suit as the suits are at playing artist. Gotta be brave, gotta be bold and sometimes do things that are a little crazy.

So, I was going to make a nice long post about getting distracted...but I haven't for a while because I figured "this writing in my blog thing is a distraction", so I've been delaying it and engaging in other distracting activities instead.

I learned something last night though, when I spent a few hours ours playing "City of Wonder" on facebook, feeling guilty the whole time because I should have been editing my book. There's a difference between "getting distracted" and needing a break. I felt great after I finished playing the game and was excited about getting back to work. Today, while I was at dialysis (I have severe kidney problems), I was watching a movie while adding some new parts to my book. It felt weird because that's the kind of writing I use to do when I was a teenager and in college. Serious writers do not sit in front of their television sets with their very serious novels trying to add in some extra chapters. I was totally distracted, but somehow, I produced some good writing. Yeah, come to think of it, my writing WAS a lot better back when I wasn't stressing over it.

I think maybe I've been --too--focused on this project. Being ambitious and going hard for your dreams is good, but there's some days when it seems every waking moment is focused on my story, and that's really too much.

I knew this starting your own business thing was going to be a journey with a lot of lessons learned. Glad this one was a nice, sweet, lesson that didn't cost me anything in my bottom line. It's alright to chill a little and have some fun. If nothing else, a relaxed mind makes my writing a better.

My hubby's asleep early so I'm going to go play with some more face book apps and then get back to work for a few hours :)

Hey, I'm scouring the net to find some help for writers, especially when it comes to advertising our books. Whenever I come across some interesting info, links, ideas, I'll make a page about it and hang it up for all of us to share.

The first page is a list of places where you can post ads for free. Might want to take advantage of these things and see if it makes a difference when it comes to hits for your site!

http://allfiredup123.blogspot.com/p/resources-for-writers-list-of-free-ad.html

This has to be a quick one because I'm going nuts trying to get all this work done. My to-do list has the ability to regenerate itself; as soon as I cross one task off, two more task appear in it's place like a demonic alien hydra! eeeek!!! -_-;;.

Updates?--Okay, I figured out why it's so expensive to POD my book. My book was too long. I just butchered the thing in half o_O;; WTF?! That act nearly made me quit life. After all the blood, sweat and tears (okay, no actual blood... but definitely tears demmit) to get my story to work and get it where it made sense, I had to DELETE nearly half the book, which means I practically have to rework the entire thing over again. ARRRGGHH *smoke shoots out of ears*!!!

Also, typing my book up innocently in Microsoft word I had no idea that 360 in whatever setting I was using (the "I-think-I'm-a-real-writer-setting?") translated to 466 pages in the ready for print template. At about $0.015 a page, my book would have been waaaaay too expensive.

Kill your darlings, Kill your darlings. Isn't that what Stephen King was talking about in "On writing"?
Well, my darling is dead and hopefully it will be born again, better and stronger. Actually it is...once you hit the delete button on about 10 chapters and realize that there is still a good story there...a more focused one...Yeah, you really didn't need that 10 chapters anyway and it was just mindless--though entertaining--filler.

I got the Lightning Source Application. **EXCITING**

It's long. I'm about halfway done with it. I'm at the part where they are asking me for banking info and I figure now was the best time for me to go open that business checking account so I can use that.

I've been struggling for a while deciding whether or not to use a pen name and I finally decided to go with a pen name. Why not? Having a secret identity is sexy :)


So my small business account will be opened under my pen name (if I can.. well see)
What else? Editing insanity. Lightning Source. Pen Name. Business Account. Oh and I still have the husband/son/life/and work thing. YESH! Better to be busy then bored though and I'm definitely not bored.

Alright, enough out of me for now...I got work to do!